BERLIN, Sept. 29 (Xinhua) -- Telling his story felt like liberation and relief, said 55-year-old Jeff Tomlinson, a Canadian ice hockey coach, after revealing that he coached two teams despite nearly losing his vision to an optic nerve infarction.

In his book Blind Understanding, published in September 2025, the former German league professional for Dusseldorfer EG and the Berlin Ice Bears disclosed that he feared losing his job if his condition became known. Only close friends and his assistant coaches were aware.

"The goalkeeper coach and the sporting director kept connected from the stands and told me what was happening on the ice," Tomlinson said.

His coaching staff also took on everyday tasks, doing his shopping, checking his fridge and answering his questions on the bench, standing on either side of him.

While coaching Swiss second-division side Rapperswil-Jona Lakers, his condition worsened. In 2020, his right eye was affected, and in 2021, the left followed. Nevertheless, Tomlinson signed with EHC Kloten from 2021 to 2023, leading the team into the first division before retiring due to increasing difficulties.

A kidney transplant in 2019 and his progressive vision loss ultimately made continuing as a coach impossible.

Tomlinson said he now feels relief in no longer hiding his disability. "To think about not getting caught," he said. "Today, I let someone read the menu in a restaurant instead of just ordering the same thing as my counterpart. If someone shows me a photo on their phone, I don't just say, 'Oh, nice.' I tell them, 'I can't see.'"

Ice hockey had been his life since he started playing in Winnipeg at age 4.

"I regret not having done something decent, and I tell young people not to follow my example. For me, life was only ice hockey. They should do more," he said.

"To imagine being an invalid was horrifying for me. Keeping it a secret was my survival strategy. I thought if the media found out, everyone would say, 'No surprise they're playing poorly, the coach is blind.'"

He admitted he relied entirely on his inner circle "when traveling, at games and in private."

What he would most like to see if he could turn back time, he said, is "the faces of my children." ■